Like everyone else, I’ve been looking for meaning over the past year. And in the midst of a year like no other, believe it or not, I found it.
The answer didn’t come overnight. The journey to wellness - to living your best life, to giving back, to leaving a lighter footprint on our planet - is one I undertook many years ago, and one that continues to evolve.
Twenty one years ago, I lost my mother to an aggressive form of cancer that took her life in a matter of months. It shook my world to its foundations. It also set me on the quest to understand what makes for wellness. Because my mother’s death was not just devastating, it was puzzling.
Life Lessons
Long before it was trendy, my mother did yoga, practiced meditation, ate vegetables like candy, and walked miles a day. She was involved in multiple community food banks, constantly rescued lost dogs, chatted up neighbours on the street, and was widely regarded as a beacon of all that was kind and good.
My mother, rest her soul, would be the first to tell you she was also a lifelong worry wart. What would now be called anxiety was then deemed a quirky character trait. In her mind, disaster was always lurking around the next corner.
Thank God, nothing disastrous ever did occur. Yet she lived her life anticipating the worst case scenario. It must have been exhausting. It didn’t come from nowhere, of course. Her own mother had died when she was an infant, and her childhood was not without tragedy. We all have our history, and we all have our demons: the experiences, good, bad, and ugly that shape our worldview.
And therein lies the clue to how this dynamic, outgoing, generous woman died too soon. It was a sneaking suspicion I hesitated to voice, a tiny treasonous voice at the back of my mind. I need not have been concerned, because she beat me to the punch.
Weeks before she died, my mother held a family meeting and told each of us what we meant to her, the joy she had known in being a mother, a wife, and a grandmother, and her gratitude for having known a full and happy life. It was a graceful, gracious conclusion to a life well lived, and it was exactly as heartbreaking as it sounds.
She ended by urging us not to worry about the little stuff, which had consumed so much of her own psyche. In a life of leading by example, it was her final lesson. It was a powerful message, and it took me years to process how profoundly correct she had been.
The Mind Body Connection
Science is now backing what my mother intuitively knew. Basically, it is this: our thoughts matter. They matter far more than we like to acknowledge. Every thought that crosses your mind, every emotion you feel, every laugh, worry, judgment, criticism, and every act of love, creates a cascade of biochemicals, released into your bloodstream to aid your busy, efficient, brilliant body in keeping you alive.
As you may suspect, the chemicals released depend upon your thoughts.
Happiness, contentedness, joy, pride in one’s achievements:
Dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins, which protect your heart, boost immunity, decrease inflammation, and aid digestion.
Stress, anxiety, fear, anger:
Adrenaline, cortisol, and norepinephrine, though helpful for running away from a tiger, long term exposure is seriously detrimental to all organ systems, and includes increased inflammation, suppressed immunity, poor digestion, and increased blood pressure.
Here’s the thing. It’s not about being a perfect person who skips through life on a cascade of buttercups and rainbows. Life throws us curve balls on a frequent basis. And sometimes, it throws us hard balls. There’s been no hard ball like the past year.
It’s entirely normal to have funky moments, days, weeks, months, and sometimes, even years. But we can ultimately control our lens, and we can ultimately control how we experience the bigger picture.
Joy is Essential
So where’s the meaning in the past year, you may ask? If you’ve sailed through this era unscathed, you’re probably the Dalai Llama. That’s not the point.
But have you tried looking for the wins?
The days that the world was so full of birdsong it made your heart soar? Or you reveled in the simple pleasure of a chat with neighbours? Or witnessed a random act of kindness that brought tears to your eyes?
No matter how hard this year has been, we’ve all had wins. Right now I choose to believe that joy is as essential to my well being as those other essential services that get all the press.
The best part is that I can choose to see joy on every neighbourhood walk, in every phone call, in every cup of coffee. I am grateful, because despite the setbacks, the foiled plans, the frustrations, the downright anguish that the past months have dished out, my cup runneth over.
This article is dedicated to my mother, who made me who I am today.
Heather is the founder of The Acorn. She’s a licensed naturopath and an unlicensed free spirit. Get to know her better: Instagram
